Forgiveness is the action or process of ceasing to feel resentment or anger against another person for an offence or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the feelings of the person who forgives, or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, it may be granted without any expectation of compensation, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of apology or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to be able to forgive.
Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for modern day theories and practices of forgiveness. Notably, Jesus Christ's teachings on forgiveness, such as his parable of the Prodigal Son, are quite widely known. Mahatma Gandhi's forgiveness of his assassin as he lay dying is another widely known instance of forgiveness.
Some religious doctrines teach that forgiveness is primarily a state of divine grace, granted by God to those who might in some way please God. Others present forgiveness more as a personal responsibility of the believer, holding the believer responsible to forgive others in some way. Sectarian or non-religious theories on forgiveness deal with forgiveness which may be motivated by love, philosophy, appreciation for the forgiveness of others, empathy, personal temperament or pragmatism.
It has been said that forgiveness is necessary for the continued existence of civil society, since without it, all wrongs would demand revenge, which may themselves be taken as wrongs requiring revenge, resulting in a spiralling escalation of retaliation, leading ultimately to mutual destruction.[citation needed]
Forgiveness in the major religious traditions
Buddhism
In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful emotions from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being. [1] Buddhism does not emphasize forgiving; rather Buddhism’s solution is to look at the foolishness of being resentful in the first place. [2] When resentments have already arisen, the Buddhist view is to calmly proceed to release them by going back to their roots. Buddhism centers on release from delusion and suffering through meditation and receiving insight into the nature of reality. Buddhism questions the reality of the passions that make forgiveness necessary as well as the reality of the objects of those passions. [3]
Buddhism places much emphasis on the concepts of compassion, equanimity, love and the ethic of reciprocity as a means to avoiding resentments in the first place.
- Quotes
- “He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ -- in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease.”
- “He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ -- in those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred will cease.” (Dhammapada 1.3-4; trans. Radhakrishnan)
- “Take forgiveness. Two levels here. One level: forgiveness means you shouldn’t develop feelings of revenge. Because revenge harms the other person, therefore it is a form of violence. With violence, there is usually counterviolence. This generates even more violence—the problem never goes away. So that is one level. Another level: forgiveness means you should try not to develop feelings of anger toward your enemy. Anger doesn’t solve the problem. Anger only brings uncomfortable feelings to yourself. Anger destroys your own peace of mind. Your happy mood never comes, not while anger remains. I think that’s the main reason why we should forgive. With calm mind, more peaceful mind, more healthy body. An agitated mind spoils our health, very harmful for body. This is my feeling.”[1] (Quoting the Dalai Lama)
Christianity
According to traditional Christian teachings, the forgiveness of others is amongst the spiritual duties of the Christian believer. God is generally considered to be the original source of all forgiveness, which is made possible through the suffering and sacrifice of Jesus, and is freely available to the repentant believer. As a response to God's forgiveness, the Christian believer is in turn expected to learn how to forgive others; some would teach that the forgiveness of others is a necessary part of receiving forgiveness ourselves. The person who is forgiven is not necessarily released from any obligation to make material or financial amends.
God's forgiveness of the believer is "mediated" by the Christian church (either formally through an ordained priesthood, or collectively by the Christian community). In the Roman Catholic Church, the Eastern and Oriental Orthodox Churches, and some Anglican churches, it is customary to make formal confession of sins individually in the presence of a priest, and to obtain absolution as a formal expression by the church of God's forgiveness. Most Protestant denominations teach that a believer receives forgiveness through the expression of repentance to God (whether formally or informally), and completes this in the act of forgiving others. The sacrament of communion is generally regarded as central to the reception of divine forgiveness.
- Quotes
Key Biblical texts on the subject of forgiveness include (here quoted from the New International Version):
- "If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven." (John 20:13)
- "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." (Matthew 6:12)
- "Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us." (Luke 11:4)
- (See further discussion: Matthew 6:14)
- "Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven).'" (Matthew 18:21-22)
- This introduces the most relevant parable, that of the Unmerciful Servant, which concludes: "In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:34-35)
- "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (Mark 11:25)
- This can be taken to imply that the exercise of forgiveness is part of that repentance through which the believer has access to the forgiveness of God.
- "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37)
- "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." (Luke 17:3)
- "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
- "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'" (Luke 23:34)
- See also
For some of the principal Christian teachings regarding the forgiveness of sins by God, see:
Among the Protestant Reformers, John Wesley stated that forgiveness is an "...act of God the Father, hereby, for the sake of the propitiation made by the blood of his Son, he 'showeth forth his righteousness (or mercy)...'". 1 2.
Christian Universalism
Regarding for human conduct, Universalists typically have taught that the boundless love of God by which all sin will (at least eventually) be forgiven animates a similar duty for humankind. Those biblical texts that for partialists (i.e., those Christians who believe in the partiality of God's love) illustrate similar principles by which Universalists seek to live. Most notable is the petition from the Prayer of Jesus: "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." (Matthew 6:12).
Hinduism
The concept of performing atonement from one's wrongdoing (Prayaschitta— Sanskrit: Penance), and asking for forgiveness is very much a part of the practice of Hinduism. Prayashitta is related to the law of Karma. Karma is a sum of all that an individual has done, is currently doing and will do. The effects of those deeds and these deeds actively create present and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain in others.
- Forgiveness is a great power
Addressing Dhritarashtra, Vidura said: "There is one only defect in forgiving persons, and not another; that defect is that people take a forgiving person to be weak. That defect, however, should not be taken into consideration, for forgiveness is a great power. Forgiveness is a virtue of the weak, and an ornament of the strong. Forgiveness subdues (all) in this world; what is there that forgiveness cannot achieve? What can a wicked person do unto him who carries the sabre of forgiveness in his hand? Fire falling on the grassless ground is extinguished of itself. And unforgiving individual defiles himself with many enormities. Righteousness is the one highest good; and forgiveness is the one supreme peace; knowledge is one supreme contentment; and benevolence, one sole happiness." (From the Mahabharata, Udyoga Parva Section XXXIII, Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli)[2].
An even more authorative statement about forgiveness is espoused by Krishna, who is considered to be an incarnation (avatar) of Vishnu by Hindus. Krishna said in the Gita that forgiveness is one of the characteristics of one born for a divine state. It is noteworthy that he distinguishes those good traits from those he considered to be demoniac, such as pride, self-conceit and anger (Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 16, verse 3).
Huston Smith in his book The World's Religions [3] says
"Enter Hinduism’s myths, her magnificent symbols, her several hundred images of God, her rituals that keep turning night and day like never ending prayer wheels. It is obtuse to confuse Hinduism’s images with idolatry, and their multiplicity with polytheism. They are 'runways' from which the sense-laden human spirit can rise for its "flight of the alone to the Alone".
Even village priest will frequently open their temple ceremonies with the following beloved invocation:
- O Lord, forgive three sins that are due to my human limitations:
- Thou art everywhere, but I worship you here;
- Thou art without form, but I worship you in these forms;
- Thou needest no praise, yet I offer you these prayers and salutations,
- Lord, forgive three sins that are due to my human limitations.
Islam
God (Allah in Arabic) is the source of all forgiveness in Islam. Forgiveness in Islam is based on the divine grace and repentance. Islam states two aspects of forgiveness: God's forgiveness and human forgiveness. In Islamic belief relations to Allah as well as relations to each other can be wronged and both are important to be forgiven.[4]
God is the most forgiving in Islam and will forgive any sin except for that of ascribing partners to Him.
- Indeed! God does not forgive the sin of ascribing partners to Him, but He forgives anything else to whom He pleases, and whoever takes partners with God has gone astray into far error. Qur'an (4:116)
Human forgiveness is also important in Islam. The Qur'an describes the believers (Muslims) as
- Those who avoid major sins and acts of indecencies and when they are angry they forgive. Qur'an (42:37) and that The reward of the evil is the evil thereof, but whosoever forgives and makes amends, his reward is upon Allah. Qur'an (42:40).
The Qur'an uses the Islamic prophet Muhammad as an example of someone who forgave anyone even his enemies. One saying that is attributed to Muhammad is when he says that one of his messages received from God is "that I forgive those who do wrong to me."
Judaism
It is sometimes asserted that there is no concept of forgiveness in Judaism, based on the belief that only God can forgive.[5] Some Rabbis, such as Sir Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth say that, "it is not that God forgives, while human beings do not. To the contrary, we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beigns."[6]
- “It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow yourself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and find it difficult to become angry. When asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit. . . forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel. (Mishneh Torah, Teshuvah 2:10)
It is not necessary for the offender to first apologize:
- If one who has been wronged by another does not wish to rebuke or speak to the offender – because the offender is simple or confused – then if he sincerely forgives him, neither bearing him ill-will nor administering a reprimand, he acts according to the standard of the pious. (Deot 6:9)
- Who takes vengeance or bears a grudge acts like one who, having cut one hand while handling a knife, avenges himself by stabbing the other hand. (Jerusalem Talmud, Nedarim 9.4)
Other spiritual approaches to forgiveness
“A Course in Miracles”
Forgiveness, as the means to remembering God, is the fundamental message of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). ACIM teaches that forgiveness is not simply the letting go of resentment, but rather forgiveness is awakening to eternal “vision” and remembering that there is nothing “real” to resent.
ACIM would reinterpret forgiveness as follows: Metaphysically, there is actually nothing to forgive. Outside of time there was a tiny mad idea that one could be separate from God and thereby lose one’s essential goodness. In reality, one cannot. All creation is a loving and eternal thought of God. Nevertheless, our experience in time is the perception (or misperception) that there has been a separation from God. The effect of that "tiny mad idea" of separation is analogous to a ripple effect in a pond, spreading out to create a universe of myriad forms of separation. But God still IS, as always. Outside of time, from God’s eternal reality, came His instant answer to the thought of separation: forgiveness. Within time, this answer must be learned.
Forgiveness is the recognition or awakening to the reality that the separation never occurred in God’s eternal reality. Forgiveness removes the blocks to seeing the eternal goodness and Godliness in, and unity and equality with, one’s brother. This in turn leads to the same sight within ourselves. Ultimately, forgiveness opens the experience that whatever is perceived to have been done in time has had no effect upon eternal oneness. All remain as God willed at creation; united in God’s eternal love.
Below are several passages from ACIM, which are representative of its teachings on forgiveness.
- “Do not allow your brother not to remember, for his forgetfulness is yours. But your remembering is his, for God cannot be remembered alone. This is what you have forgotten. To perceive the healing of your brother as the healing of yourself is thus the way to remember God. . . . Perceive in sickness but another call for love, and offer your brother what he believes he cannot offer himself. Whatever the sickness, there is but one remedy. You will be made whole as you make whole, for to perceive in sickness the appeal for health is to recognize in hatred the call for love. And to give a brother what he really wants is to offer it unto yourself, for your Father wills you to know your brother as yourself.” (ACIM 2d ed. text, p. 218)
- “II. The Forgiven World. Can you imagine how beautiful those you forgive will look to you? In no fantasy have you ever seen anything so lovely. Nothing you see here, sleeping or waking, comes near to such loveliness. And nothing will you value like unto this, nor hold so dear. Nothing that you remember that made your heart sing with joy has ever brought you even a little part of the happiness this sight will bring you. For you will see the Son of God. You will behold the beauty the Holy Spirit loves to look upon, and which He thanks the Father for. He was created to see this for you, until you learned to see it for yourself.” (ACIM 2d ed. text, p. 352)
- “There is no fear in perfect love because it knows no sin, and it must look on others as on itself. Looking with charity within, what can it fear without? The innocent see safely, and the pure in heart see God within His Son, and look to the Son to lead them to the Father. . . . In your brother is the light of God’s eternal promise of your immortality. See him as sinless, and there can be no fear in you.” (ACIM, 2d ed. text, p. 431)
Psychological theories about forgiveness
In the last few decades, forgiveness has received attention from social psychologists. Although there is no consensual psychological definition of this concept in the research literature, many researchers assume that forgiveness is related to a pro-social change in interpersonal motivations towards another person who has committed an offense. Specifically, three changes in motivations are thought to occur when someone forgives an offender:[citation needed]
- An increase in motivation to act in ways that benefit the offender or the relationship with the offender.
- A decrease in motivation to take revenge on the offender.
- A decrease in motivation to avoid the offender.
Forgiveness, deep trauma, and repeated deep trauma
When we carry deep psychological hurt and trauma with us after some crisis event we are negatively bonded with the situation in which the trauma occurred. For example: we may not be able to stop thinking about the circumstances of the event. We may feel hate for someone. We may feel deeply confused and unable to explain events. As a pragmatic (non religious) step, repeated forgiveness by way of self suggestion releases the negative bond with the one or other people that caused the trauma and allows us to become positive again.[citation needed]
Every day quarrelling aside, sensible people do not invite avoidable, repeated, deep trauma caused by continued wilful neglect. Where deep trauma is likely to re-visit us many people suggest proactive forgiveness while remembering the sequence of events that will lead to traumatisation. This is otherwise known practically as forgiving but not forgetting. Often this practical approach leaves us less vulnerable in the face of repeated wilful neglect, while still able to keep our internal peace.[citation needed]
Many people resent having to police hyper vulnerable environments as such. Further internal conflict is caused because the 'policing' represents a degree of lack of forgiveness. This situation can only be avoided ( with more forgiving and ) forgetting events to the extent that an achievable level of comfort can be attained with one or other of the people that caused the trauma.[citation needed]
This leads to the common conclusion that only time heals. However the process of healing accelerates rapidly with positive proactive forgiveness.[citation needed]
Other non-religious views about forgiveness
Some believe the choice of forgiveness is only properly exercised if forgiveness is requested or earned through means such as atonement, amends, restitution or sincere apology and that such forgiveness often requires some sort of promise that the offending act or behavior will not be repeated. Forgiveness under these circumstances would remain conditioned upon the actions or words of the perceived wrongdoer. Others believe that forgiveness is a decision[4][5][6] the forgiver makes to let go of resentment held in the forgiver's mind of a perceived wrong or difference, either actual or imagined. As the choice of forgiveness is made in the mind of the forgiver, it can be made about any resentment, whether toward another, oneself, a group, a situation or even one's God. For example, the forgiving.org website states that forgiveness of another can be granted with or without the other asking for forgiveness, and that forgiveness does not entail affirmatively condoning the wrong or difference that occasioned the resentment.[7]
Another view is that forgiveness is a gift[7][8] the forgiver gives to oneself and/or the perceived wrongdoer to free their respective minds of resentment and guilt. Such forgiveness does not require repentance, contrition or any other form of "payment" from the forgiven. The act of forgiveness has merit in and of itself and can stand alone without condition and therefore outside control of the perceived wrongdoer’s behavior. As a gift to oneself forgiveness allows the person granting forgiveness the opportunity to overcome some hurt or emotional turmoil by offering closure and the ability to move on from the perceived situation or circumstance that merited an act of forgiveness.[9] As a gift to the forgiven it provides a clearing for the forgiven to overcome the guilt, shame, stigma or other negative effects of their action or inaction that merited forgiveness. Forgiveness of this nature is sometimes referred to as a selective remembering, whereby one focuses only upon love or loving thoughts and lets go of negative thoughts.[10]
Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments[11]. One study has shown that the positive benefit of forgiveness is similar whether it was based upon religious or secular counseling as opposed to a control group that received no forgiveness counseling.[12]
See also
Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to:
References
- ↑ The Dalai Lama and Victor Chan, The Wisdom of Forgiveness, Riverhead Books 2004, p. 234-35 ISBN 1-57322-277-1
- ↑ (2006). Forgiveness versus Might - Anger (Hunduism.com.za). URL accessed on 2006-03-11.
- ↑ Huston Smith , The World's Religions, Harper SanFrancisco, first ed 1958, p. 34 ISBN 0062508113
- ↑ (2006). Islam online. Forgiveness: Islamic Perspective. URL accessed on 2006-03-14.
- ↑ (2006). Covenant and Conversation. URL accessed on 2006-03-14. (The author concludes: "This is simply not so.")
- ↑ (2006). Covenant and Conversation. URL accessed on 2006-03-14.
- ↑ (2006). Forgiveness (NLP Skills.com). URL accessed on 2006-03-09.
- ↑ (2006). About Forgiveness (International Forgiveness Institute). URL accessed on 2006-03-09.
- ↑ Charles Stanley. The Gift of Forgiveness, Thomas Nelson, Inc. 1991, ISBN 0-7852-6415-9
- ↑ Marianne Williamson. Everyday Grace Having hope, finding forgiveness, and making miracles, Hay House, Inc. 2002, ISBN 1-57322-230-5
- ↑ (2006). Forgiving (Campaign for Forgiveness Research). URL accessed on 2006-03-09.
- ↑ (2006). Gregg Easterbrook: Forgiveness is Good for Your Health. URL accessed on 2006-03-09.
External links
